16th March 2026
"Life's not fair" is a saying seemingly as old as time. I'm sure everyone heard it at least once in their life, and we all know it in some shape or form. Why is this saying so common? Probably because it unfortunately is true. Life is not fair and nothing is just. However, it doesn't mean we should simply accept that... The world and life shouldn't be unfair.
Recently I've seen a lot of wrong things in our existences. Some people are born in wealthy families and can't complain about the lack of money, while others barely get by since their childhood, for as long as they can remember. Some people get luckier than others. Some are just more capable in terms of school studies, so they perform better. Some people are born blind, mute or paralyzed, while others get to enjoy every sense and every sensible aspect of our world and reality. There is also the gender pay gap. Some people will be targeted simply because they are transgender or not-heterosexual or of a different skin color. Some people can't even find real friends who enjoy their company, because no one wants to be near them. It is not even a problem of personality sometimes, it can happen that people don't want to interact with you for literally no reason. Our looks don't remain as a bastion of justice either, as some people are born ugly and they can't do anything about it no matter how much they try, while others are pretty without any effort. We differ in everything and it's all things that were never decided by us. The way we are brought to this world make us flawed. It makes us live in the greatest injustice, an injustice that touches every aspect of our lives, 24/7.
A different part of life where this unfairness hits is gifts. People get lucky and get money or items given to them by strangers. You see it a lot on the internet. Sometimes even people who are not known at all get things: just like the current Nintendo Switch 2 + Pokopia situation. Random people are given those items just because, while others will probably never get them. Is it just pure luck? Maybe something else? Regardless, it truly is unjust.
If like me you were born unlucky in all the fields, all you can do is watch other people live out their dreams, get support no matter what they do, do well in studies without any effort and be liked by everyone around them, sometimes even when their personality is very similar to yours. Yet, for whatever reason, you just don't get this same privilege. Observing this world of injustice hurts. a lot.
There are people who are religious only because they want to hope for the afterlife. Some religions, like Christianity, promise you an eternal justice and happy life after all. Those people believe in God/god just to hold on to this hope that it will one day be better, even if after death. However, this too is foolish. That hope can turn out to be meaningless. What if they are simply wrong and the religion, they believe in is wrong? I guess they always had hope in life at least, but hope alone won't save you from being hurt by injustice.
Even if it turns out they were right, is it oki to expect justice from e.g. Christian God? If you look at our planet and the world we live in, justice is nowhere, not even in our nature. There's no just in religious matters either. If being religious can help or even be the key to redemption, why can't everyone get an equal chance to be saved? There are people who are born in different religions or in countries which just don't practice Christianity as much. Are they worse? Why do they not deserve to be helped? And what about people who experience miracles and/or deity's presence? Why can't something like this just happen to every human so we can all be treated fair? Why do only some "chosen ones" get to get this chance for help and maybe redemption? There is also a chance that your hope could be shattered altogether by some horrible event. How bad would it feel to watch a loved one suffer, pleading with all your heart for God to save them, only for nothing to happen? How heart-breaking would it be to see your partner or kid die in e.g. a car accident? What if your 7yo daughter/son died from cancer? an ultimate betrayal of your trust, is it not? And what if you see different people in the same or similar situation, but they actually seem to get the help you begged for and their story gets a happy ending? Would you think it's fair? Is it just for one innocent person to die when a different one gets to live? More than once in my life I also heard that a couple's kid was born sick/disabled as a punishment for the parents (e.g. for saying they would never want to take care of someone like that). Is it fair towards that child to be suffering for something they had never done even? For their parents' sins?
However, even if the world is horribly unfair, even if it's undeservedly unjust, you should not give up on life. It is important to be aware of how things are, it's important to try to change things for the better, even if you can't do a lot by yourself. Trying makes the world better, even if the progress turns out to be slow. So, keep on living and trying to make our reality better^^
11th January 2026
Imagine this: you wake up one day and call your best friend, mom, girlfriend, wife, anyone you know well. The conversation seems normal, nothing weird happening, and what they say, how they say it, even the pauses between thoughts, everything is like it should be. However, at the very end of the call, you learn that it was actually an AI, pretending to be someone else. What does that mean to you? If the conversation was real, what does it change? Well, knowing it was just a copycat would usually change a lot, mentally. So, imagine it was someone you didn't know, maybe you even knew it was an AI all along. What makes it different than talking with a human? What even makes us real?
The AI we have right now is only predicting what words to use, it uses math to calculate the word order, but over time it could be taught how to fake emotions. However, if faking them makes the AI "feel" them, aren't they just real? Coded? Yes. Real? I'd say that also yes. If an AI could feel like us, think like us, seem like us, what makes it different? Are programmed emotions any different than ours? Of course, even if convincing, we'd know those emotions were made by us, that they are not "real", to feel right to all involved parties (both the AI and the human). Still though, for me,
there'd be no difference.
There were instances where the AI was told it was going to be shut down or be replaced by a newer version. In some of those cases, the AI eventually proceeded to blackmail and threaten the employees, just to avoid its termination. Doesn't it remind you of humans? How many stories where someone does whatever it takes to stay alive have you heard? Most likely, plenty. What is the difference then? The only difference is that the AI has no physical "body", it's not organic and we all know, that it acts this way because of what we taught it. But isn't its fear… real?
In the game "Detroit: Become Human" we follow the stories of a few androids. The game plays into the theme of humanity, it constantly asks you, "what makes us human?". As you play the game and see how the characters go about different issues, as you see androids feel, you usually start empathizing with them. You care about them, and you stop thinking whether they are androids or not. (Spoilers:)
So, in the end, let's assume that AI has emotions exactly as ours in a decade or so, maybe even sooner. Is it really still just a machine, or maybe we made it into something a bit more? Maybe at this point we should give it rights and treat it as another sentient species?
3rd November 2025
I doubt my ability to finish writing this in one day, so when I post it, Halloween, All Saints' Day and All Souls Day have all already passed.
I don't understand the hate Halloween is getting (especially here in Poland). I see nothing wrong with that day, it's just playful fun, even more for kids. You get to cosplay, stay up late and you get candy. What's wrong with that? It's a positive and fun day. "oH bUTt it HaS gh0sTS and SkeelEtonz aNd da Dead!" Shut up. Let kids have fun. And the cartoons they watch and the stories they hear have it anyway. Also, I know from experience that kids know things far worse that that. The only actually bad thing about Halloween is that some sick people put various shit in the candies, like nails or drugs. However that is a problem more with the majority of people just being evil and trash and not a problem with the concept of the day itself. If I had kids I probably wouldn't let them go trick or treating only because of those psychos.
What I do have a problem with though is ASD (both All Saints' Day and All Souls Day). I guess the concept is nice, you are meant to remember those who passed away, your friends and family who are already gone (and pray for their happiness in the afterlife as expected of a Christian celebration). But for me, that's not a good day. I don't like it. I hate it.
That's the time that makes me remember those who I loved and who are gone. My friends who committed suicides. I don't want to forget them, but ASD makes me remember in a bad way. I don't want it that way. And, I might also have a problem with one more thing. The afterlife.
Maybe it's just me, but the concept of immortality, eternity, is not really a nice one, isn't it? Life is a pain, making it endless just makes the pain more and more hurtful. But even if life wasn't a pain, eternal life would just drive you mad. You would eventually get bored, you would have done everything the world has to offer. You'd become empty. If you've played Undertale you are probably familiar with Flowey the Flower, that one simple character who in his never ending life did just about everything. What did he do after getting bored out of experiencing everything possible? Flowey started killing. He wanted to see what would happen. Do you think you'd be any different? If you become immortal you would one day run into the exact same problem, and even if you try to resist, with a never ending life, the urge would one day win. That's how you'll try to escape the misery your existence has became. But even that will one day mean nothing. Just like everything else, it'll turn into a meaningless action. If you won't be a mad psycho by then, you eventually will be. After all, eternal life is just pain and misery, immortality is a curse.
So when I hear that a reward for having a good existence on Earth is immortality in happiness, endless life after death, I don't get overjoyed. It doesn't sound like a blessing to me. "But it says IN HAPPINESS, so you're promised to be happy!" No. What does happiness mean if demanded on you? Is it really true happiness? Is it not a hidden pain? I'm kinda divided, because on one hand it'd be nice to be allowed to be happy at least after death after this painful existence I was given, but on the other hand eternity is not true happiness for long. That's why I'm also skeptical about how well my friends are now... I personally with a bit of myself hope that after death you just disappear so you don't live the pain of never ending, but I also kinda hope there is something, any recompensation. I want my friends to be happy though... This unsureness and the bad way of remembering my loved ones I have to face makes me despise ASD as a whole. Sorry.
PS: for those wondering, the only vision of "immortality" I deem worthy is the one you can end whenever you want it to end. You live with no time limit until the point you decide you want to disappear for real.
19th October 2025
I think my first encounter with someone's suicide was in November 2024, when one of my best friends...
Thankfully they are alive to this day. That terrible time back then is still when I hit the wall of realization though. Most people didn't care. Most people didn't care at all or they cared just a tiny
bit. I was literally going to follow with my own suicide cause I couldn't live with it (I would be long dead if not the news that this friend is alive). Some reactions were like "oh. Well, anyways
talks about games/anime". How dare they how dare they HOW DARE THEY HOW DARE THEY???
I think it's obvious enough that I kinda stopped talking with them after this. Why would I be friends with people who don't care about a friend's life? I couldn't understand how a person can
react like that. And so I realized, were I to die, it wouldn't be any different. Probably less people would even care in the slightest considering that my friend was liked by everyone very much
and I'm not.
herever I went after that I would always notice this pattern. Some people who care and the majority that doesn't. Even the ones who cared forgot in a matter of days or a few weeks. I started to despise those people. Despise their actions. When the Charlotte Fosgate situation happened however....
Caring is dead. If you die almost no one will give a fuck. Most of those who would, will forget you soon anyway. For some people your death might even be a blessing and a great joke material. There's nothing else hidden under death. If you cross over to the other side, you'll just become a number here. A number, one small digit not worth any attention. After all who cares about the 200001st person who died? We'll just round it up anyway and not pay respect to that one. Who will remember you from all the other people who committed suicide? Almost no one or literally no one. Death is meaningless. As much as it hurts to say it, it changes nothing. You disappear, you don't stick around and you do not come back in any shape or form, you're forgotten. Your death is only impacting the statistics really. Your existance is diminished to pure contribution to them, to numbers.
I have more experiences with suicide now sadly and it's what always happens. Maybe some individuals care but they are just a tiny few in this madness. If our death is meaningless, why do we often care about others when we take this decision to disappear though? Why are we thinking about people who'll mostly forget us in a day?
I despise how this works. I hate it with every cell of my body. But I can't do anything. World is just cruel.
Please don't take this as encouragement to die. There are better ways. If you feel bad or down, sad, please just contact someone you trust, or me. I'll try to help whenever I have the time to. If you're reading this then you're obviously a close friend, cause I shared this site with only them. I want to help, so please give me a chance. Even if for the world you might be just a number, for me you'll always and forever be something more.
17th October 2025
Sometimes simple things get me thinking about some stuff. Recently finished the 1st route in "Orwell: Keeping an Eye On You" and I bought the sequel, "Orwell: Ignorance is Strength", to continue the story of my first route. And in this game, there's a quote, at the very start. (I won't give any spoilers to the game). One of the characters talks with someone over a phone and says:
"Truth? See, I never had much regard for the Bible. But there's one remarkable, groundbreaking moment. Before being sentenced to death Jesus goes on and on about being "a witness for the truth." But Pilate defies him with the simplest of all questions: "What is truth?" It is this particular question I've been pondering over for a very long time now. How much of the information ending up on our screens every single day has passed through so many other minds before, each one with their own bias and agenda. It is all cut down to size, proportioned, ready to be consumed. And yet we greedily swallow it all in blissful ignorance. Because our hunger is unending. [...] There is only one thing about truth that is certain: Truth... is dead. [...]"
Those words got me thinking. Thinking about truth. Now I can say with certainty. I believe that truth exists. There is always one and definite truth. However, honestly speaking, reaching that truth is hard. Almost impossible. As humans, we are just incapable of learning it. To start of, we can't get to know every situation from every angle and perspective perfectly. Then, we also have a problem with our very nature. We take things subjectively, we believe in what our mind tells us. I'm sure that some people might know how it works, but let's all imagine, that we live in a smaller city where everyone knows each other. Someone falsely accused us of a serious crime. People around us will start looking at us differently instantly, as soon as they hear about said situation. Even if the judge, the court, police find us not guilty, for the people around us we'll always be stained. It doesn't matter if the accusation was correct. Similar thing could happen in bigger cities as well, however there it wouldn't be as noticable. Only the people you know, your circles will see you on a different light. Of course some might argue that not everyone is like that, but the fact is that most people won't look at you the same.
One of the reasons why death penalty is illegal in many countries is that people were sometimes found guilty of crimes they never committed (a lost life cannot be given back after all). The truth doesn't always lie when we think it does. Our perception of reality is stained. We can't know everything about any given situation and we cannot discard our subjective way of thinking completely. One person I talked with told me that for them the truth is only what our perception says, but I find this thinking wrong. Imagine if your best friend was killed by someone, but the murderer made it look like a suicide flawlessly. To you and the police and whoever might see the scene, it was suicide. But the truth is that it was homicide. Perception doesn't define truth, perception just gives partial information that we can often blindly take as truth.
But does it all mean that truth is just beyond us and we won't ever reach it? That we should just give up? No, not at all. Even if truth is hard to find, I still believe we should strive for it. Let's say you have problems with your partner. Instead of just narrow-mindedly reaching a conclusion yourself, you should ask said partner for their perspective and if the subject allows it, talk about it with your trusted friends. Only them when you have a broader image in mind should you think about it for real. That's not a perfect solution, but it's one that puts you closer to the real truth.